Skit Bit: “Scriptural Smackdown”
copyright 2002 by Fred Passmore
“Skit Bits” are approximately one-minute mini-skits that you can do as sermon-starters or in between songs at your church service, or to start conversation at a youth meeting! They are offered for free on this site, to serve as samples that will introduce you to our script style and hopefully cause you to want to move up to the longer ones next time.
Idea: In a pre-match analysis and interview, two commentators briefly introduce and speak with the contestants in the scheduled fight to see which style of baptism is superior The theme of the skit is the spectacle of church and denominational conflicts and the damage it does not only to the image of Christians but Christ.
(The two announcers approach from opposite ends of the stage and meet in the middle. Both are wearing suits and are holding microphones. They stand side by side and look toward the audience when speaking to the “camera,” then at each other when addressing one another.)
George: Welcome to Scriptural Smackdown, where believers battle it out over doctrinal differences! I’m George West.
Adam: And I’m Adam Reeves. Tonight’s grudge match promises to be a bloody one, George.
George: You’re so right, Adam. It’s been dubbed the Battle of the Baptizers!
Adam: (Looking off the the right side of the stage.) Here comes the crowd favorite, the outspoken Downhome Dunker!
(The Downhome Dunker comes in from the right. He has on boxing shorts on over his bluejeans, and wears a plaid shirt, with baseball cap and boots. He may also have some sort of gaudy cape on.)
Adam: (continuing to speak as the Dunker comes toward them.) This rowdy southerner makes up in strength what he lacks in style.
(The Dunker raises his fists in the air and greets the crowd’s cheers confidently.)
George: And also making his entrance is his nemesis, the Sophisticated Sprinkler!
(The Sprinkler enters from the left. He wears a conservative suit with tie, but he also has boxer shorts on over his clothes. He wears a red cloth mask over his eyes, but has on glasses over it. He is something of a nerd.)
George: (continuing to speak as the Sprinkler comes on.) This nerdy northener fights with a sharp wit and seminary training. He may be more subtle, but he’s dangerous when cornered!
Adam: (loudly, then holding the mic up to the fighter.) Dunker, what’s your strategy for tonight’s bout?
Dunker: (deep voice, with redneck delivery.) I’m gonna slam dunk that uppity headwetter! He’s going under permanently!
George: Sprinkler, what’s your response?
Sprinkler: (Nasal voice, with clear diction and pronunciation.) He’s all wet! A good thrashing will teach that waterlogged buffoon that might doesn’t make right!
Dunker: Aw, go soak yer head!
Sprinkler: Don’t hold your breath!
(George and Adam keep back their respective champions from each other as they threaten one another with lunges and gestures. They end up getting caught in the middle of the conflict, taking smacks and punches as they are assailed by the two opponents who are doing more damage to the announcers than each other.)
Adam: (breaking away) And with that we’ll go to a break. Stayed tuned for tonight’s bout on Scriptural Smackdown, as Christians fight for the entertainment of the world!
(Each announcer hustles the man he was interviewing off the stage in the direction they came on from as the crowd cheers loudly. Each of the fighters are still jumping up to see and badmouth the other as they are pushed off stage.)
(Click here to download a PDF file of this script that you can print and use.)
WHAT WE OFFER:
Our plays range from 20 minutes all the way up to 80 minutes. They are written to engage the viewer, make them think, to impact the emotions, and present the Gospel in such a way that they perceive it as meeting the needs of their life. The aim is to bless the believer, and give the person that has never made a decision for Christ a desire to invite Him into their life.
Our skits range in length from 5 minutes up to 20 minutes. While most are comedic in nature, using humor to impart a perspective that may not have been considered, the laughs are all tied into the message, and there is always a resolution that leads the viewer into consideration of the Truth contained in it. The humor can be enjoyed by all ages.
The soundtracks that we make to accompany the scripts add drama and emotional impact to the script’s performance. There are two different kinds of script and soundtrack; the kind where you do the lines live and the soundtrack is played at certain times during the performance; and second, the kind that supplies all the narration, music and effects mixed together to play as the actors perform, with no lines to learn. Each script description page tells you which kind it is under the “Soundtrack Key.”