The Stupid Dummy’s Guide To Higher Self-Esteem

“The Stupid Dummy’s Guide To Higher Self-Esteem”
Written by Frederick Passmore
Copyright 2004-2018 Sheep Laughs Publications

Synopsis: The author of a book on self-esteem has her first book-signing at a local bookstore. A series of ego-crushing encounters with various customers demolishes her own self-esteem, demonstrating to her the uselessness of her approach to it. She starts to have a meltdown until a helpful browser offers a different and intriguing perspective on the subject.

Soundtrack key: This is the type of script where your actors deliver their lines and the soundtrack supplies the background music and sound effects as the script calls for them.

Length of play: 10-12 minutes
Number of cast: Seven; one main part, with the other six being smaller roles.  Plus, as many browsing extras as you have available.
Category: Comedic, Medium-Length Skit,

Price of script pdf & Skit Trax MP3: Instant download: $12.99 – Add to Cart

Price of script pdf & Physical CD:  (Not available; there are only two tracks on the soundtrack, not enough to warrant an entire CD.)

YOU MAY ALSO ORDER THE SCRIPT AND SOUNDTRACK AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PAGE.

Setting: A bookstore. A shelf with various books on it would be helpful, but is not necessary. A folding table, a folding chair, a comfortable padded chair off to the side is needed.

Characters: Linda Weller, the author. Hank Chambers, known as Customer #1. The teenage bookstore Employee. The Suit Man, who is a lawyer. The Kid, who is a boy around 10 years old. The Man, who wants his money back. The Lady, who is dressed finely. Several other extras, three or four at least, as browsing customers who wander off and on stage.

Props: A picture frame with the actress’s photo, a t-shirt, several paperback books, a Bible, an autograph book or notepad.

(Here is a description of the script; not all details or scenes are here, but it gives you an overall picture of what it is like.)

Linda Weller, the author of a self-help book entitled “The Stupid Dummy’s Guide To Higher Self-Esteem,” enters the stage. She has come to the bookstore for her scheduled “Meet The Author Day” book signing. When she inquires of the bookstore employee as to where the setup for the author is, he (not knowing who she is) comments that not many will be there to see the writer of the book she mentions. After a few more ego-bruising comments, she tells him who she is, and he sheepishly tells her that he will go get a table for her. When he returns, she mentions that she is disappointed at being placed in the back of the store near the self-help section, rather than the front, but he informs her that the front is where “Beeno” the clown will be entertaining the kids today. When she asks for some of her books to put on the table, he says they are all in the discount bin… they’ve only sold one or two. Discouraged, she sits down as he goes to get them.

Preview a PDF page of the script that contains the scene above by clicking here: stupid_dummys_guide_sample_01

When he returns with the box of books, she makes a display from them on the desk, putting out some t-shirts she made, and a photo. Over the intercom, the employee gets her name wrong as he informs the shoppers of her presence.  After a moment, she is approached by a man who demands his money back for the book he bought recently. He complains that he tried everything she suggested, but he is still ugly, broke and has no friends. She explains that the book doesn’t help one change what they are, only their self-image and esteem. Unsatisfied, he demands to know what good a better self-image is if one is no more successful or liked. Unable to help him, and as he refuses to leave until he gets a refund, she takes some money out of her purse and gives it to him. Feeling more deflated, she brightens up when a small boy comes up and asks for her autograph. When she signs his autograph book, he looks at it he is leaving and asks why she signed “Linda” instead of “Beeno,” which is the person he thought she was. When she retorts that she is no clown, he angrily tears up the paper and stalks off. During all of this, a bookstore customer is watching all this as he browses in the background.

Next, a well-to-do lady approaches her and asks for her help in finding a book for self-help. She recommends her own (as the lady doesn’t know she is the author) and extols the quality of the advice in it. The woman informs her it is for her husband, whom she considers weak and pathetic, and she hopes the book will improve his self-image and give him more courage. As she describes all his failings, it becomes obvious that the woman is the source of her husband’s insecurities. She decides to buy the book, hoping it will give him some backbone, but she declines to buy one of Linda’s T-shirts featuring her self-portrait art, calling it ugly and a terrible painting. Humiliated, Linda is then approached by a man in a suit carrying a briefcase. After introducing himself as the representative of a major book publisher, he tells her they are interested in her book. Happy, she is excited about this development as he hands her an envelope. However, it contains not an advance check as she hoped, but a summons. She is being sued by the company for her use of the words “The Stupid Dummy’s Guide” in her title, which is a trademarked phrase for a series of books owned by the publisher.

Preview a PDF page of the script that contains the scene above by clicking here:stupid_dummys_guide_sample_02

This final humiliation triggers an emotional melt-down in Linda, which prompts the bystander who has been watching all this to try and help. He is rebuffed by her with an increasingly loud tirade, which brings other customers over to look as she shouts at them and cries. Finally, trying to calm her down before security is called to eject her, the man gets her to sit down as he convinces her to talk about what is wrong. His Biblical viewpoint and the conversation they have puts the whole thing in a new perspective for Linda, as she had never considered Scripture to be important in how one sees themselves. The whole concept is foreign to her, being completely opposite from her approach, and she is intrigued, not only by the advice but the one giving it. They leave to talk more about it, and one can see that a nice relationship may be in the future for them both.

Read some of the testimonials about the script from just a few of the many users:

Hello Fred,

I just wanted to let you know that I had done 4 of your skits over the weekend. I had emailed you previously letting you know, but I just wanted to let you know how well they were received!
Our middle school youth did “The Stupid Dummy’s Guide To Higher Self-Esteem”…it was awesome and our parishioners loved it! Lots of laughs!

We also did “The Gift”…it went perfect! I had a puppet that looked like a “grandma” and we called her Gracie. We used a high schooler for her “voice”. Again, our parishioners loved it …and it tugged a few heartstrings.

Next, we had a father/son team do The Guy with the Cardboard Christ! (I did buy a cardboard Christ from the link on your website, Thank you!!!) Instead of a newspaper, Alan was reading the book The Dummy’s Guide…people chuckled at that right away. This father/son team just played off each other and it was a huge success…

For our last skit, we did the Pastor’s BBQ…EVERYONE LOVED IT! This really happened recently in our church (and still is in the works, unfortunately) so this really hit home. Our highschoolers did this one…they acted and danced to the narration It was perfect.
I am very happy that I bought the whole Skit Kit! I will be doing more of these skits within the next few months for my church and the church I work at.

We did film our skits if you would be interested in seeing them.
Thank you again!

-Deb Ransbottom
Executive Secretary
St. Raphael the Archangel Congregation, Oshkosh, Wisconsin

Fred,

The Lehigh Valley Grace Brethren Church, Bethlehem, PA will be doing “The Stupid Dummy’s Guide to Higher Self-Esteem” on March 1.
I really like your material because the Truth is clear. So often skit material is very weak spiritually, I trust your material and recommend it to others. I like your variety too; we need a good laugh right now, but I love the depth of “Canvas of Lies” and “Assignment: Witness.”
Thanks so much!
-Joyce Humberd

Dear Frederick,

We will be doing “The Crate Escape” sometime in March. I am really looking forward to presenting this script to my drama students! Last semester they performed “The Stupid Dummy’s Guide to Higher Self-Esteem” and loved it! Not only that, but the whole school was cracking up! Thank you so much for your wonderful skits! Please continue to do this; it works wonders for not only acting but portraying Jesus’ messages as well.
-Casey Locklear
Northwood Academy- Chapel
North Charleston, SC

Dear Fred,
On January 26th, we will be doing your scripts “Testimony Show” & “Stupid Dummy’s Guide to Higher Self Esteem.” Thank you so much! These are wonderful! My students love them. This is the first set of scripts, both Christian and non-Christian, that my students love! They actually think it is funny and useful! God Bless you in this ministry.
-Heather Bair
Heritage Christian Schools (Junior High) Bakersfield, CA

Okay, if you liked the story breakdown, and enjoyed the Skit Trax previews, and were encouraged by the testimonials of those that have done it, buy the complete script and soundtrack here! 

Get the script PDF (to print out) and audio tracks (to burn to your own CD) here.
Price of script pdf & Skit Trax MP3: Instant download: $12.99 – Add to Cart

Get the physical CD mailed to you by ordering here. You will be taken to a page where you can print out the script PDF as well as an email containing the script PDF. (Not available; there are only two tracks on the soundtrack, not enough to warrant an entire CD.)

Order through the mail with a check or money order by printing out this order form and mailing it to us. Click to open or download: order_form_new

Questions before ordering? Call me at 912-347-9579!