Battle of the Sexes: Round One

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“Battle of the Sexes: Round One”
by Frederick Passmore
Copyright 2003 Sheep Laughs Publications

Synopsis: In this “post-fig leaf” script, the world’s first couple hit their first speed bump on the road to marital bliss. After being evicted from the Garden of Eden, will they ever get over blaming each other? About 10 minutes in length, this light, humorous, but ultimately touching skit, is great anytime, but perfect for Valentine’s Day.

Soundtrack key:
 This is the type of script where your actors deliver their lines and the soundtrack supplies the background music and sound effects as the script calls for them.

However, it can also be done using the demo track, with no lines to learn! OR, the pre-recorded track can be used for an ALL-AGES Puppet performance!)

Length of play: 10-12 minutes.
Number of cast: 2
Category: Comedic/Biblical story/Medium-length skit/Valentine’s Day
Price of script PDF & Skit Trax MP3: Instant download ONLY$14.99 Add_To_Cart
Price of script PDF & Physical CD: $19.99 plus shipping Add To Cart


Characters: Adam and Eve.

Costumes: primitive-looking animal skins. Use brown cloth cut raggedly and fitted in crude tunics. Fake fur can be obtained from craft stores to make them more realistic. This can be worn over leotards for modesty’s sake and also for a humorous effect.

Props: a stick, an inch or two in width and several feet in length. A large python-like stuffed-toy snake like those awarded as prizes in carnivals, or bought at toy stores. Attach a string to the head and run the string across the stage before the sketch. Assign someone to pull it out from the opposite side toward the middle when called for in the script.

Setting: Several artificial trees and plants lined up in the background to represent a jungle.

Here’s a unique idea to make this skit easier to perform: this script was written to do the lines live, and use the soundtrack background effects and music. However, there is also a fully-recorded version on the Skit Trax that has all the voices, from my upcoming comedy album project “Let’s Skit Crazy!” Now, there IS a way to use this fully-produced track and not have to speak your own lines if you (A.) prefer to do it that way, or (B.) have limited time to learn lines because you started late. Here’s how; before starting, have someone introduce the skit, who says that since Adam and Eve didn’t speak English, we are providing an English translation of their dialog as they speak, similar to the way movies dub in English over foreign language films. Then, play the demo track and have your actors go through the motions and act as if delivering their lines (not lip-syncing, just acting as if speaking normally, we just don’t hear them) while the “translated and dubbed” dialog, music and sounds play on the CD. Genius, no? Yes? Maybe? You decide!

Note: The demo track can also be used for a puppet performance. The Skit Trax for the script also include a 20-minute track of continuous jungle background sounds to play from another source all during the performance.

The Battle of the Sexes: Round One” Script Breakdown
(A general description of the script; not all details or scenes are here, but it gives you an overall picture of what it is like.)

A narrator opens with some short backstory about the situation that led up to this point, as Adam and Eve find themselves locked out of the Garden. (Although the subject is serious, it is portrayed in a very humorous way as they react to so many new and unpleasant things as a result of their sin.)

Preview a PDF page of the script that contains the scene above by clicking here: Battle_of_the_Sexes_Sample_01

As they hold onto each other, upset and afraid, Adam tries to comfort Eve, but she is having none of it. As they consider their plight and try to find a bright side, they are alarmed as they hear animals beginning to attack and eat each other in the bush, which never happened before.  Eve gets a thorn in her foot, which Adam helps her with, then she sneezes for the first time. Her name for the action is silly to Adam, and he tells her to leave the word invention up to him.

Preview the effects and music provided for the script by clicking on the player below.

This starts their first spat, as they begin to blame each other for what has happened, and each brings out legitimate points that show they both bear the guilt.  Adam tires of Eve’s accusations, and invents some yard work to keep him so busy that he can’t hear her. She follows, yelling over his lawn-mower sounds, until a threat to withhold physical affection gets his attention. He tries to talk to her, but now she is the one ignoring him.

It descends into more finger-pointing as Eve brings up his continual animal-naming project that left her out. While they are hilariously bickering, neither one notices the huge snake that is moving across the ground toward them (a fake stuffed snake pulled by a string across the stage by a hidden person).  The narrator brings the audience’s attention to the danger, as the argument continues and tension grows as “Jaws”-like music plays on the Skit Trax. Finally Eve spots it as it reaches her, triggering panicked screaming. Adam heroically springs into action, grabbing the snake and wrestling with it on the ground. The music and sound effects enhance the comedy as Adam fights the huge creature and Eve tries to help, but is accidentally hitting Adam with a stick instead. Adam finally kills the snake, and beats his chest with a Tarzan yell, then goes into a touchdown victory shuffle as the soundtrack plays a “go, team, go” drumbeat.

Eve runs to him to hug him and shower him with thanks, and they make up, realizing they do love each other. Adam accepts all the blame for their fall, and feels like a failure, but Eve encourages him and reminds him that God still loves him, and she does also. As the Skit Trax plays a tender love theme, they recall God’s promise of a future Redeemer to come through their offspring, and this leads to a humorous end as they run off to begin the rest of the human race. The narrator concludes with a short wrap-up that gives hope through the Lord, and the Skit Trax ends with an upbeat theme.

Preview a PDF page of the script that contains the scene above by clicking here:Battle_of_the_Sexes_Sample_02

There is also a fully-produced version that was made for one of our Comedy CD’s, that is included for reference and also to use to act out to in case you prefer to do it that way. It could also be used for a puppet show.

Listen to a sample of the fully-produced demo version that can be used for a “no lines to learn” performance!

Read some of the testimonials about the script from just a few of the many users:

Hey Fred,
I just wanted to drop a line and tell you that my wife and I performed “Battle of the Sexes: Round One” at our church Saturday night. We have a mostly older attendance at our independent Bible church. They loved it, everyone was laughing and clapping at the end. We are glad we ordered the script and soundtrack. We had a great time and it was very realistic. Thank you for a nice alternative for church gatherings and dinners. I again thank you for the website and the great customer service, may God bless your ministry.

-Mike Shimko

Just wanted to let you know how our skit turned out. My husband and I performed your “Battle of the Sexes: Round One” skit for our Valentine Banquet at church. We had a wide variety of ages; young married couples on up to elderly and widowed. I made costumes out of faux leopard fur and we had fur on a set of risers that we used as our central point on the stage. I believe it was a huge hit with our crowd! At least it must’ve been by the volume of laughter it produced. We purchased the soundtrack and I have to attest to the fact that it would not have been as effective without the jungle noises. Our son operated the sound and we had the script on prompters – three in fact so whatever direction we were facing we could see our lines. I am so glad I happened onto your site and found this skit. I absolutely will check it out again whenever we need something and would not hesitate to recommend this site to others. Thanks for all your hard work. It is so refreshing as a Christian to be able to provide good, clean enjoyable entertainment. Blessings to you and your gifted service.
Joy Johnson
First Church of the Nazarene
Dublin, Georgia

Dear Fred,
The Church On The Rock will be doing “The Battle of the Sexes: Round One” on Feb 14th, 2010.

After the huge success of the “New Years at the Bad Habits Club” skit for our New Years Eve fellowship, we just knew we had to do “Battle of the Sexes” for our Valentines Fellowship! The skits are so well written and the soundtracks give the finishing touch!! Thank you so much for making these available for such a terrific price!

Blessings…. Marlene Laurent, Church On The Rock

Lots of laughs-thank you- thank you-thank you!!! I used Mama’s Close Call, Attack of the Monster Tongue, Testimony Show (at a church Ladies meeting in November) New Years Eve at the Bad Habit Club,” (at our New Years Eve Service) Battle of the Sexes (at our Valentine Banquet) “Pastors Barbeque” was used at another meeting and every single one of them was a HUGE HIT! I know the actors make the skits really work but without you providing the Scripts and Soundtracks they wouldn’t know what to say or act. Buying the soundtracks was worth every dime. I also like that you don’t need a lot of supplies or scenery to make them work.

You have truly been a blessing to me and my church. Thank you very much!!!! Your ministry is so needed.


-Pam May
Hyles Baptist Church,
Chesterfield VA

Hi Fred,
I just wanted to let you know that my wife and I performed ‘Battle of the Sexes, Round One” last night. It was a huge success. We are a very small church made up of mostly “baby-boomers”. The production was the start of our Valentine’s party. Folks were laughing and talking about the show all evening.

The sound effects were a super addition. We didn’t have an operator for the sound so I came up with a rather unique way to run it. I put together “sound scapes” as slides on Power Point. I used a rf remote concealed in my costume to “fire” each effect. I had mixed the sound effect with the jungle sounds on each slide (thank the Lord for Audacity, wish I had this back in the 70’s when I did radio production). It worked great. I wish you continued success with your ministry. I feel sure we will be doing more.

Thanks again for your help and your wonderful script.

Jimmy and Donna Laird,
First Baptist Church Lucas, TX.

As the new Marriage Ministry Leaders for our church, we just had our first event, “Return to Eden” a Valentine’s Banquet on Feb. 10th. “Battle of the Sexes: Round 1” was the finale-and a tremendous success!

A friend made amazing costumes for us. We purchased an 8 by 12 foot rainforest mural for the backdrop, filled the stage with trees, found an 8’ foot realistic looking cloth snake…bought your soundtrack and WENT FOR IT! (For those of you who do this play, the soundtrack CD adds an amazing dimension to the production!!!)

People are calling and emailing us, still laughing, rhapsodizing about the production and saying that it was the most fun they’d had in years. What a way to kick off the term. Our Creative Arts Director howled “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT PLAY??!”. By the way, when is there going to be a Battle of the Sexes: Round 2? (We’ll be your first customers!) Thank you so much for using your gifts to draw others to Christ. Wow! That’s ministry.

With you, in His Service,
Rob and Daina Decker
Mount Rubidoux Seventh Day Adventist Church
Riverside, CA

Dear Mr. Passmore,
Thank you so much for the blessing you have bestowed on countless people through the gift you have! Our Drama class at Tri-City Christian Academy put on a performance combining “Battle of the Sexes,” “Season’s Beatings,” “New Year’s Eve at the Bad Habit Club” and “Mama’s Close Call”. It was a production lasting one hour and fifteen minutes (with a 10 minute intermission), but the effects will last a lifetime! The audience laughed throughout the whole production, giving our brand new actors confidence they had never felt before!

As a new teacher in this area, I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am for your scripts. You met all the requirements I faced, and made them funny to boot! I received a standing ovation for the production, but all the credit must go to you. What an amazing night we will never forget. PLEASE keep writing and touching so many lives – you have been truly gifted!

Hopefully I will be forwarding the amazing photos soon – thank you again for sharing your gifts and talents with us!

-Tracey Day

The youth of our church hosted a Valentine’s dinner complete with a variety show. The youth performed “Battle of the Sexes, Round One” —
the response from the audience was incredible! Several people had tears running down their faces before it was over. Even though I read through the script several times during rehearsal, my sides ached the day after the performance from laughing so hard. We will be performing “Mama’s Close Call” for our mother/daughter banquet. You are truly gifted and we all appreciate your talent!

Liz Claiborne,
Covenant Baptist Church, Topeka, KS

Just a note to tell you that we had our Valentine’s banquet and we did the skit “Battle of the Sexes.” I think it was the audience’s favorite. People were asking where they could buy the skit. I told them where they could locate it. Thanks for the great skits. We love your work. Please write more and more and more.

I can’t wait to read and use your next skits. You truly have a way with words. Thanks for the great sound effects. They add so much to the performance.

Pam Cariker

Okay, if you liked the story breakdown, and enjoyed the Skit Trax previews, and were encouraged by the testimonials of those that have done it, buy the complete script and soundtrack here! 

Get the script PDF (to print out) and audio tracks (to burn to your own CD) here.
Price: $14.99 Click here to Add to Cart

Get the physical CD mailed to you by ordering here. You will be taken to a page where you can print out the script PDF as well as an email containing the script PDF. Price: $19.99 plus shipping.  Click here to Add To Cart

Order through the mail with a check or money order by printing out this order form and mailing it to us. Click to open or download: order_form_new

Questions before ordering? Call me at 912-347-9579!


Dramatic Plays:
Our plays range from 20 minutes all the way up to 80 minutes. They are written to engage the viewer, make them think, to impact the emotions, and present the Gospel in such a way that they perceive it as meeting the needs of their life. The aim is to bless the believer, and give the person that has never made a decision for Christ a desire to invite Him into their life.

Comedic Skits:
Our skits range in length from 5 minutes up to 20 minutes. While most are comedic in nature, using humor to impart a perspective that may not have been considered, the laughs are all tied into the message, and there is always a resolution that leads the viewer into consideration of the Truth contained in it. The humor can be enjoyed by all ages.

The soundtracks that we make to accompany the scripts add drama and emotional impact to the script’s performance. There are two different kinds of script and soundtrack; 
the kind where you do the lines live and the soundtrack is played at certain times during the performance; and second, the kind that supplies all the narration, music and effects mixed together to play as the actors perform, with no lines to learn. Each script description page tells you which kind it is under the “Soundtrack Key.”